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8 June, 2008
IT'S LIKE TAKING OFF.
IT IS LIKE TAKING OFF ALL COSTUMES, ALL IDEAS, ALL EXPECTATIONS FOR FUTURE, TAKING OFF HABITS & MASKS & PRIVATE STORIES OR ... OFFICIAL STORIES. AND FINDING ESSENCE IN ORDER TO LIVE.
IT IS SOMETHING VERZ BASIC. IT IS LIKE A TOUCH, LIKE TO GIVE SOMEBODY YOUR HAND. AS ONE CLEVER MAN SAID - THIS HAND IS NOT CLEAN. BUT ... THIS IS THE WARMNESS OF THE BODY. SO ... SOMETHING VERY BASIC. SOMETHING INTIMATE.
I'M GOING THROUGH THIS. MEMORIES, MY OWN AND MY MOTHER'S MEMORIES & ALL GENERATIONS BEFORE, THROUGH EVOLUTION, NIGHTMARES AND ALL WALLS I HAVE INSIDE OF ME, SO MANY WALLS, AND THROUGH ALL CHILDREN'S FACES I HAVE INSIDE OF ME, ALL OLD PEOPLE'S I WAS FOLLOWING SO THEY ARE INSIDE OF ME, ALL DEAD INSECTS I WAS COLLECTING SO THEY ARE INSIDE OF ME ETC. ETC. ETC.
I'M GOING THROUGH ALL THINGS I'M CARRYING, THINGS WHICH BUILT ME.
AND I HOPE ONE DAY I WILL BE JUST NAKED.
HERE YOU CAN BE NAKED LIKE A CHILD, I KNOW THAT.
AT THE END, I BELIEVE, EVERYWHERE YOU CAN BE.
Anna (After three months)
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12 June, 2008
About taking off
Anna wrote about taking off.
To take off was also my main theme in my life.
When I was thirties I took off my family and became alone.
A that time my body was almost broken by many adult diseases; angina, gout, fat, addiction of somking, drinking, and drugs.
I did not take care of the body untill then, only I lived by idea and thought.
I took off my idea and thought. I became naked sick body. I started to re-build up my body through swimming, crimbing, skiing, byking, running and finally traiathron.
I was so called iron man, I could continued swimming for twentyfour hours without rest.
But suddenly I noticed the physical strong body were build for competition. The plesant sensation of competition was inprinted by society.
I took off the strong body. Then I could meet my dancing body.
It took for fifteen years to stop swimming and become weak body enough to dance weakened body.
When I came Himalaya, I tryed to take off my ego.
Ego creates good self story always, our daily bodies are bound by these self illusions.
When we take off ego, we can meet our real whole self.
There live so many strange creatures at the bottom of ego.
Now I try to take off self, not only ego.
Self, Jung find it as a whole self. For him it was a ideal aim for human to become.
But for me, I need to take off self, then I can be life.
When we become single secced life which is swaying between life and death, we can contact the real darkness of body.
It is non-dual and multi-dimensional world.
The most atractive secret are folded in the darkness of body, secret of self illusion, sexual desire, life tendency and creativity.
I feel that I was born to struggle with them. I can die for them.
Also Anna has to take off so many costumes after now.
It will be never ending process.
Lee
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