(now) ICCUUCCI now /Isabelle
About having been blind and remembering how to see. About not fearing the
unknown but being in control. About letting go of trust and love to find
a bigger one. To travel through darkness willingly, breaking silence, re-encountering
madness and reaching out without attachment. Falling through a labyrinth
of mirrors, seeing oneselves in everyone and everything. Drowning in an
abyss of fear and addicitions and confusion, to die there. Dragging the
pain into the light to release it. Letting others see, and thereby seeing
it myself. How you see is what will be seen. We are each others mirrors
and what we neglect in our selves we will see in others. ICU, I see you,
now. Where you is oneself, others, the past, the truth, whatever...
Like a manifested wish, to make it come true. Which mysteries do I need
to unfold to make these eyes see clearly again?
I did not know what it was or why, I surprised myself. But afterwards I
believe the essence was to become all the things I fear to be, everything
I do not wish to be, or be seen as, everything I normally not are, hidden
ridiculities and self indulgence, ego deflations and death wishes, difficulties,
madness, awkwardness, anger, selfpity, jealousy, disconnection, overcare...
because the fear of hurting someone, and under that lies the fear of course
of not being loved...
It was an experiment to see what happened... One of my biggest fear is
even self exposure, to show myself, or rather to give fully of myself,
fearing to be too much, fearing to take space that others should have...
even though I’ve done it so many times with joy and ease... Another one
is to make decisions, clear plans and especially tell others what to do,
to be in charge, responsible. And to let people down, anyone, especially
the ones bigger than me, like teachers, but also I see everyone as bigger.
Fear of not being understood, fear of making people confused and so on.
And fearing that I do not know what I want, or what is good to do. So this
was a really good challenge. because I see how all these fears are what
blocks oneself from doing the opposite. And that we will face them again
and again until they become smaller and smaller and we become more free.
When I trust the higher will, when I trust the unconscious, and subconscious,
when I trust others, then I can also trust ”myself”, my conscious acting
And even though my cobodies and audience enjoyed the piece, they still
felt confused and lost, so also these fears came true.
And in the three times I did the piece, every time I danced more being
these things fearful personalities more and more, as opposed being scared
So I used the fear, the reversing of all the love, trust, divinity and
gratitude I firstly see and feel before anything else. But for me the result
was a big letting go, a big peace, and a deepening of that love.
So the essence of the mirror (now) ICCUUCCI now is to become everything
you try not be, everything you fear to be, everything you think you are
not, all rottenness you see in others, to be a constantly moving mirror
of internal and external fears, in full spotlight in a chaotic room in
deep silence. That was really scary.
...When you can see that then you are more free to see, and be, the opposite...
All is purple/ Akshi
2 July, 2011
Akshi from Delhi is the first Indian long term student.
She learned various dances and tried to integrate them as her own life
Sha has so flexible spine that she could get the basic Weakened body technique at first which each spine
moves different dimensions at the same time.
Her piece has pretty complex composition which combines many different
world; marchen, deep ocean, humanoid factory, chimera cobody, strange relationship
and so on. In the beginning of creation process, other student could just follow the
role of her choreography, and Akshi's solo was not integrated yet.
She and cobody danced this piece two times in the Festival, at the first
time, students slowly released from the role and created various resonance
with each behind world in each moment of the piece.
At the second performance, a miracle happened. All cobody created so unique
dances with resonating different own behind world, and Akshi could integrate
almost of her subbody dances which she met in these four months. Suddenly
everything become oneness and crystalized. It took time, but we could experience
the very rare and precious moment which every dancer become transparent
life without thinking. We noticed that an important characteristic of life is " Infinite variation" in multi resonance
I cannot explain it by word even using million words, but in each student's
body the precious qualia of life resonance must be imprinted. The infinite freedom of life is completely different from individual freedom.