I have investigated in how to guide students to get it for a long year,
but, I could not find the best proper way until this year.
Now finally I find the method of reserching it in the darkeness of body.
I named it "Sen-Shin-Hitu".
"Sen" is the first step of researching subbodies.
Sen means "Novel!", "New!", "Fresh!" ,"Intersting!", and "Precious!".
When you calm down daily body/mind, and listen in the darkeness of body
with moving our hidden joints, hidden cavities, and hidden skin in various
way, if you meet a novel body feeling, just follow, amplify it until the
limit.
You can create your "Sen" subbodies.
Students of Summer term have already tried to research "Sen"
subbodies in these two weeks. You can see the photo frick above.
The second stage is "Shin".
"Shin" means "Deep!".
When you find a curious movement for your life, if you feel "I don't
know why, but I could feel something connected to my depth", this
is the"Shin" sub-signal from your life.
Our inner qualia are resonating each other beyond the time and space in
our darkenss of body.
The new qualia which you meet today may resonate with the expierience of
child age, maybe dream of fetus age, or deeper life memory which is folded
in your cells.
The constellation of the inner qualia are resonate together in multi dimension.
It may connect to some "Shadow" which Jung found as a inferior
character, "Not-me" which Salivan found which was disappeared
character
in infant age through being ignored by parennts, "Trauma" which
you have forgotten, and "Dissociated character" which your ego
have cut away.
They can become your "Hidden subbodies".
Sometimes it may connect to deeper life tendencies which was folded in
your cells as life memories.
They can become your "Proto subbodies".
If you find the "Deep!" sub-signal, you will encounter many edges
which give you unknown unconfortable body feeling.
We need to learn Shiatsu technique for overcoming these unknown dificulties
on the edge, and get the proto vitality which can cure and heal by oneself.
We need to proceed slowly and slowly with listening the time of life.
The third step is "Hitsu".
"Hitsu" means "Necessary!".
When most of students seem ready to proceed to next stage, we will begin
deepest researching to find the necesity of movement for life. We have
to face to the one's own prpblems and binds which bound us until today.
It will be so hard inner struggle, but it is worth to do for finding the
new way to live.
The real creation is the always "Reverse twist" of our lives
which try to turn the ourselves to the opposite direction which our lives
are twisted, pressed, and warped.
You don't need to force you against the deepest problem at the first step.We
have so many binds which are folded in our darkeness of body. You shuld
start to tackle the easest problems which you can overcome with small effort,
you will reverse twist and reframe your constellation from those binds.
To live subbody is to continue these infinite process one step by one step
with spiral deepening.
Subbody butoh is to continue the investigation in the nesesity of dance
of life.
The important thing is the tempo.
Too early prcess must break yourself by the too strong pressure of edges.
The midwife of subbody have to listen in the time of life of students with
throwing away the self.
To become the midwife of subbody is the hard trainig to abondon one's self.
It will be the hardest way of life, but it is the most worth to live.
Students of Spring term 2008 created their final subbody butoh dances after
three months reseaching.
They were come out on the edge between almost unable and hardly able.
"On the edge" Belen (Spain), "Huge rock" Wisa (Finland),
"Cocoon" Kiki (Austria), "Hidden skin" Cissy (Holland),
and "Bound dress" Ania (Poland).
Five students and Katherine who joined in May co-created in each peices
with deep resonance everyday.
Pleae taste their life resonance on the edge deeply.
Upon traveling to India in March, I had the feeling that this journey could
be something of a life changing experience, although I wasn't able to out
into words what I was actually expecting. Now that the three months' course
is over, I really feel like having gone through something like that - and
again, words seem very inadequate when trying to describe it. It's simply
been too rich, too intense, too new and multi-dimensional to try to break
the experience down to words.So, what happened? Happened a beginning of
a journey back to the reality of the humanbody and it's possibilities,
building up from the very basics and ending up feeling more present and
alive than maybe ever. Whatever it was that I had in mind before and, I
sure didn't know to expect being introduced to a holistic philosophy and
practice of butoh that consists of and brings together the ideas and methods
of Tatsumi Hijikata, the process oriented meditation and channel work of
Arnold Mindell / Rhizome Lee, Jungian psychology of archetypes, lectures
of anatomy, evolution history and biology, Shiatsu pressing, dreamwork,
a crazy cornucopia of physical ways and methods of moving (and incredible
ones, too, like the weakened body butoh...) and so on and so on...
Synthesized to a creative method of multi-dimensional, expressive meditation on the subconscious stream of infinite qualia passing through our time-bound physical existence, which is streaming by nature but obscured by the dominance of our daily, noisy, mechanical monkey mind. (Of course we need to block out much stimuli every moment in this crazy super busy universe, from the billions of impulses and impressions the universe bombards our poor brains with, in order to keep our brains from overloading and being fried by the sheer quantity of data flow - but it's possible to tap a little bit deeper into the underlying stream of life by quieting down the rational, language /thinking brain channel and thus making space for other, much subtler qualia to make it's way into the verge of consciousness, from where the (sub)body is able to catch it, amplify it to the maximum, and bring out new quality by amplifying the quantity to a crisis point, to a necessary paradigm chance - or a reverse twist...)
So it's hard to describe or pin down and a lot to learn. My basic feeling now is of wonderful discovery, childlike wonder and a lot of gratitude. And I think Rhizome Lee is a very rare human being and agreat teacher with a lot to offer. Which is an understatement. I came by a passage by Antero Alli (1985), interpreting a succession of four I Ching hexagrams, that seems to illuminate the process involved at least in these first steps of studying to become an independent butoh dancer, both in small daily scale and unfolding over a long time... I'd like to quote it.
"A fundamental dispersion follows any truly rapturous state and teaches
ud the restraint necessary for understanding." "58 TWEE
-Pleasure
Losing our minds and coming to our senses to fully experience each unfolding
moment for what it is, without projecting meaning, judgement or comparison.
This is the "zen" state of living in the present through our
five senses and enjoying its free-floating direction as a reward in itself,
as there is nowhere to go, nothing to achieve and nobody to be. The surrender
to absolute pleasure in the moment releases endorphins in the brain and
a sense of rapture and ecstasy throughout each cell in the body. Pleasure
begins the complete harmonious merging with Oneself as a source of energy
unto itself which can be shared easiest with others resonating at a similar
level within themselves. 59 HWEN
- Dispersion
Dispersion results from the release of physiological energy after total
immersion in pleasure. Rapture is the brilliant union of our personal consciousness
with theuniversal spirit in the body. It marks a moment of Embodiment,
as wellas "ego-death" ...in that the experience of Self is always
a defeat for the ego. Dispersion is the dissolution of the crystallization
occurring when ego and Self fuse together in momentary, rapturous embrace.
It is natural that a "darkening of the light" follow, as what
comes together alchemically, must also come apart. Conscious dispersion
is the Art of Falling Apart. 60 KHIEH
- Restraint
Restraint is simply the discipline of knowing when to stop and when you've had enough. Dispersion is clearly the destructive force working hand-in-hand with the creative. Restraint is the wisdom of pulling back to oneself...one's center... after sufficient dispersion communicates the need todo this. Without this kind of insight, self-destruction would tend to dominate our reasons for living. The practice of excercising restraint with dispersion strengthens the self-appreciation essential for integrity. Integrity is the great fortifier and grounds us enough to permit more pleasure. 61 KHUNG-FIH
- Understanding
Understanding is the innate comprehension of our inner union with Self,
God, etc., and the clarity which permits us to see this in others. True
understanding is never forced. Rather than a tried effort, it will tend
to "dawn upon us" when it occurs, as something we've known all
along but only now realized.
An understanding of this four-phase cycle of pleasure - dispersion - restraint
- understanding simply restores our sense of what we already know for ourselves
from experience. This understanding doesn't necessarily come about until
after excercising restraint, without which, our lives would end with dispersion.
And ...it would never begin without our surrender to absolute pleasure."
To me, learning to quiet down the ego mind even a little bit, and to freely
follow other impulses, is pleasurable even when it's difficult and painful.
When the process has brought up crisis situations when one is unable to
do anything because of the pain or emotional locks,it has still all the
time felt like something beneficial is happening. The ego doesn't always
agree with what the Self naturally enjoys.
The ego's whole existence, (= our whole existence, from the ego'slimited point of view), is based on control, or an illusion of contro it needs to maintain... So it is a most scary thing for the daily ego driven mind to surrender to the chaos of Nature. It's resistance is very persistent and will not go away easily, so one needs to deal withthe ego reacting to feeling threatened by the new found, multi-dimensional constellation, where it's reduced to a minor player- in fact a quite small part of a much greater whole, a handy tool fordaily doings of the world maybe but hardly anything that would preventthe lifeform from going on living just nicely if it wasn't there.
Plus the ego has quite a high opinion of itself and it's keen to take credit
for anything positive going on, even if it's not even presen twhen butoh
is created. It's no joke that ego is the biggest edge. Thus it's been important
for me, during the three months, to try and find some courage to let unexpected
things come out, especially things that the daily judgement would classify
as awkward, too weird or disturbing, grotesque or ugly...
And I think confronting this odd, alien, non-familiar side of one's self
helps greatly to find the beautiful, sublime, sensitive, subtle and so
on.
The last, "solo" performance, on the big rock, was also a priceless experience for me. Thank you again, everyone involved..!
Climbing around a huge rock for a few days, trying to figure it out, I
learned a lot about *feeling* things - instead of worrying about how they
look, or "should be" from a rational point of view etc... It
felt like doing something very healthy and personally important, getting
back to the basics and close to earth. Surrendering to the fact that no
matter what stories the ego might tell you, you're actually a pretty small
creature on this rock, that's maybe huge for you but, after all, also quite
small - One look at the Himalayas in the background puts that into perspective.
The actual beauty of everything I've experienced here, though, is that
it's a shared co-body process. The co-students in the subbody school rapidly
become like a family, like all of a sudden they're the most important people
in the world. So much shared qualia..!
Especially the kinaesthetic channel, the hidden skin, the resonant touch and all the subtle physical resonance coming through via touching, and not-touching, brought forth the almost shocking discovery of how little spontaneous human touch is involved in in our"normal" lives.
For me it's a beautiful and deeper way to get to"know" other
people and experience the dissolution of personal boundaries .I already
miss the resonant co-body theatre a lot. Where does the body end again?
Also, the whole last week of daily co-body and solo performances was wonderful,
even if in the end the experience was pretty heavy. I've rarely had the
chance to be in presence of such female power (as expressed by Anna, Belen,
Cissy, Erika and Katherine). It had a big impact on me to be involved in
these performances, and it took several days just to recover.
"One thing that's clear is that chaos is feminine, and creation out
of chaos is like creation out of the womb, an all-containing potentiality
emerging out of darkness." - Rupert Sheldrake
So. Three months is a very, very short time, just the very beginning of what I feel could be a lifetime adventure, but it has already been a great learning and healing experience. I'm quite sure I will find away to come back for a longer course in the future. And it's been overwhelming enough that I prolonged my stay here a little, in attempt to integrate some of all this into my life. Thank you, everyone.
Wisa
ps. Oh, it's also been: cuts, burns, bruises, aches, scratches, itches,
cramps, diarrhea, detox, fever, vomit, pain, tears, edges, nettles, mosquitos,
leeches, scorpions and so on... taste everything... :)
With strong monsoon, Summer term has begun.
Students are gathered from various places on the planet, Austria, Brazil,
Bulgaria, Canada, England, Germany, Israel, Holland, Poland, Spain, Turkey
and Japan.
There are so rich diversity and unique tendencies. Students chose one's
favourite place and created the first week's subbody butoh dance.
We will invent much more richer diversity of life resonance with together.
Please enjoy photo frick of the first weekend Subbody cobody theater, this
is just the prelude of the Summer term.
In Butoh I have discovered much more than just a dance. I feel that I have learned how to be whole, how to relate to others in a deeper way, how to talk to may hidden characters....
I treasure the many findings I have come to:
_"Taste it" ¨Everything is a tasty dish; through understanding this I have accepted emotions I spushed down before.
_"Creation is your reverse twist feeling" ¨A great way to consider the urge to create ; like your life pleading to escape from your karma.
_ " If you never dance your subbody it will possess you" ¨@I love having Pound Butoh as a tool to be friends with my "shadows".
and above my indivisual findings is the magic I have experienced in all our improvisations: getting in contact with that something which moved us to interact was amazing.
There are no words to explain the deep connection to life that I felt. I hope to include this magic to my daily life as much as posible.
Belen N.R.
14 June, 2008
Belen is dancing on the edge always.
On the edge between which is familiar world for her and unknown world for
her.
Oneday in Spring when we have been Kangra fort, she encounterd an emotional
edge and could not controll at all.
We did an edge work the next day, Belen pushed my body as the same feeling
which she felt to the edge, she pushed me so hard and various strange way,
then after that we changed role, I pushed her body with the same feeling
which I recieved from her.
Through these experiences, slowly she became friend with her unknown emotions,
and slowly she started to dance with them.
Then her subbody butoh is always very real and original.
But emotions are always changing like a living crerature, we can not use
same way to cotact with them. We have to stand on the edge between success
and false to controll them.
Belen has to continue to dance on the edge.
It is hard, but it will grow up her extremely strong and flexible.
Belen! please continue your way for ever.
IT IS LIKE TAKING OFF ALL COSTUMES, ALL IDEAS, ALL EXPECTATIONS FOR FUTURE, TAKING OFF HABITS & MASKS & PRIVATE STORIES OR ... OFFICIAL STORIES. AND FINDING ESSENCE IN ORDER TO LIVE.
IT IS SOMETHING VERZ BASIC. IT IS LIKE A TOUCH, LIKE TO GIVE SOMEBODY YOUR HAND. AS ONE CLEVER MAN SAID - THIS HAND IS NOT CLEAN. BUT ... THIS IS THE WARMNESS OF THE BODY. SO ... SOMETHING VERY BASIC. SOMETHING INTIMATE.
I'M GOING THROUGH THIS. MEMORIES, MY OWN AND MY MOTHER'S MEMORIES & ALL GENERATIONS BEFORE, THROUGH EVOLUTION, NIGHTMARES AND ALL WALLS I HAVE INSIDE OF ME, SO MANY WALLS, AND THROUGH ALL CHILDREN'S FACES I HAVE INSIDE OF ME, ALL OLD PEOPLE'S I WAS FOLLOWING SO THEY ARE INSIDE OF ME, ALL DEAD INSECTS I WAS COLLECTING SO THEY ARE INSIDE OF ME ETC. ETC. ETC.
I'M GOING THROUGH ALL THINGS I'M CARRYING, THINGS WHICH BUILT ME.
AND I HOPE ONE DAY I WILL BE JUST NAKED.
HERE YOU CAN BE NAKED LIKE A CHILD, I KNOW THAT.
AT THE END, I BELIEVE, EVERYWHERE YOU CAN BE.
Anna wrote about taking off.
To take off was also my main theme in my life.
When I was thirties I took off my family and became alone.
A that time my body was almost broken by many adult diseases; angina, gout, fat, addiction of somking, drinking, and drugs.
I did not take care of the body untill then, only I lived by idea and thought.
I took off my idea and thought. I became naked sick body. I started to re-build up my body through swimming, crimbing, skiing, byking, running and finally traiathron.
I was so called iron man, I could continued swimming for twentyfour hours without rest.
But suddenly I noticed the physical strong body were build for competition. The plesant sensation of competition was inprinted by society.
I took off the strong body. Then I could meet my dancing body.
It took for fifteen years to stop swimming and become weak body enough to dance weakened body.
When I came Himalaya, I tryed to take off my ego.
Ego creates good self story always, our daily bodies are bound by these self illusions.
When we take off ego, we can meet our real whole self.
There live so many strange creatures at the bottom of ego.
Now I try to take off self, not only ego.
Self, Jung find it as a whole self. For him it was a ideal aim for human to become.
But for me, I need to take off self, then I can be life.
When we become single secced life which is swaying between life and death, we can contact the real darkness of body.
It is non-dual and multi-dimensional world.
The most atractive secret are folded in the darkness of body, secret of self illusion, sexual desire, life tendency and creativity.
I feel that I was born to struggle with them. I can die for them. Also Anna has to take off so many costumes after now.
It will be never ending process.
I am staring at a blank paper; has to express in words what has happened
in the course of two months? I guess I didn't really know what Butoh was
when I entered, only had a vague image about this 'Dance of Darkness.'
What a shock! Something didn't want to be confronted with all this 'stuff' that came up in the process. What a roller-coaster ride of ups n downs, joy and sadness, discomfort and bliss. A bumpy ride that started like a locomotive and entered into a climax: Jo ... Haaaaa - Kyuuuu!
I honestly regret to leave the school, my co'buddies', the process, and Lee, now that I feel I've just found the amazing treasure - at least a glimpse - of exploring the unknown depths of my personality.
The process has not finished here though, maybe it has only just started, there is a lot to digest and I am very curious to see how these two massively intensive months will influence the rest of my life.
I have no idea where life will take me, but will have a conversation with God to guide me back to Sub-body school next year!
Thanks Lee (and Ramesh, Pitar & Bablu) for all your love and care,
Cissy lives in Holland, from Indnesia.
Indnesia was a collonyl of Holland for many years.
So complex hidden qualia are folded in Cissy's body and her hidden skin.
Cissy's last performance was started with layered body which were bound
by so many transparent layers.
She took off layers one by one. Cobodies stayed on the each stones and showed various hidden emotions were unfolded with resonating Cissy's taking off process.
When she took off all layers, cobodies started to poke her naked body by
sticks.
Maybe it was her hidden images of the world which was folded at the depth
of her hidden skin.
It seemed as if the world attacked naked her, she could not do any thing against the world except of saying "No!", and dying under the water.
She danced through her hidden skin. So many secret qualia were folded in the hidden skin. She could unfold them. Our hidden skins resonated deeply.
It was so impressive process. Everybody could not stop tears, even my extra-dry eyes became wet.
What was happning?
She took off many layers, and finally she reached to her naked subbody. Her hidden skin was appeared. She danced through the hidden skin against the world image.
She could find the "Kyu" of "Jo-Ha-Kyu" at the world-self
channel, and she got the both of "flower" and "secret"
of her subbody butoh.
Our hidden skins were resonated with her subbody butoh from the depth. It was the reason why we were moved so deeply.
Cissy! Please continue your subbody butoh for ever!
Please repeat this piece many times, then you will notice what secrets are folded in this subbody butoh someday.
To recieve all of them a subbody process will be end. It will take for ten years. But it is worth to tasle for knowing what is self? What is world? What is life?
7 June, 2008
Coccon/Kiki/(Erika)
I FACE THE HIMALAYA MOUNTAIN, HEAR THE WATER DROPPING, THE BIRDS SINGING SONGS, THE WIND IS TOUCHING MY FACE, I FEEL MY HEART BEATING, MY STOMACH IS GOING UP & DOWN - YES I LIVE.
IT'S HARD FOR ME TO FIND WORDS OF THE LAST 2 MONTHS.
SO MANY SPECIAL MOMENTS. SO MANY DIFFERENT FEELINGS & STEP BY STEP I DISCOVER MYSELF. IN A VERY SPECIAL WAY. MY HATE & MY LOVE, MY MOVING & MY STILLNESS, MY LAUGHING & CRYING, MY TALKING & SILENCE, MY FEARS & MY STRONGNESS, MY GIVING & MY DEATH. EVERYTHING IT'S ME & I START TO SAY YES TO IT... TO LOVE IT AS A PART OF ME.
I'M HAPPY THAT I WILL STAY 8 MONTHS, BECAUSE IT TAKES SUCH A LOT TIME TO CALM DOWN. AFTER 2 MONTHS I JUST FEEL THAT I STARTED TO START A LITTLE BIT... TO BE ABLE TO GIVE TO THE BODY, TO THE SLENCE - THAT I STOP THINKING & DAILY HABITS. IT TAKES SO MUCH TIME.... I THINK IT TAKES A LIFETIME.
SOMETIMES I HAVE THE FEELING THAT I BECOME A BABY & SOMETIMES I FEEL SO MUCH LOVE LIKE A MOTHER TO HEAR CHILD.
IT'S LIFE CHANGING MOMENTS. I'M OPENING UP & GET SO SENSITIVE. MANY TIMES I FIND MYSELF CRYING. BUT NOT BECAUSE I'M SAD... IT'S MORE LIKE THERE ARE SO MANY FEELINGS THAT HAVE TO COME OUT. BECAUSE I'M SO TOUCHED BY LIFE. I'M NOT THE SAME GIRL WHO CAME TO THIS SCHOOL 8 WEEKS AGO & I'M JUST GETTING READY TO REALLY START.
Spring term has finished.
The last week was hard week. All students could integlate all subbodies
which they have met for these months, and not only create one's own piece,
but also they co-create the other student subbody world as a cobody. Through
these hard process slowly we can learn how to aboudone our ego and self,
and how to get the resonance of life..
Some of them seem that slowly they noticed here is not only the place to
learn butoh technique, but the place to re-organize the relationship between
self and life.
When we throw out the whole conditions that bound us to the human, we can
contact life.
We need to aboundon so many things which we have and think of it important
as human.
In the school students learn how to stop thinking and talking, because
it activates our language brain and ego state.
It is hard for daily mind and body, but it is worth to do for contacting
life.
Kiki cryed three times for these two months, she discribed what was crying.
Through crying she learned where is here, and how to be life.
Here is the place to be another being except of human, so maybe, to become
more transparent being than human.
Today's was Cissy's day.
She facilitated her conditioning in the pool.
After releasing body through different shaking on the grass, we enter the
water
slowly.
Listen to the subtle change of constelation of phusical body and inner
qualia.
When our body touch water, immediately constelation changes, not by consciousnes,
but each cell remember the deep life memory when we were single celled
creature
and floated in the ocian.
Cell's constelation and whole body's constelation are resonating always,
and from
the change of constelation some emotional signals come up.
We tryed to listen in it.
Cissy guided us to move to hot spring and she gave us the watsu.
One person lay down in the center the others support him/her and give suttle
sway
or wave.
I recognized It is the best way to relax.
When I received it, I realized that watsu guide us to the fetus realm and
release
us from the binds of sexual desire.
We can remeber when we were a fetus without sexual bind.
The daily world our bodies are bound by too much sexual informations and
stimulus, and too less life resonance qualia.
Watsu can be the pure life resonace like in the womb water, then it can
guide our
bodies to the fetus realm without sexual binds.
Each students perform one by one, everyday of this week.
Monday; Belen's solo, Tuesday; Wisa's solo, duo, and cobody in the forest(photo
above)
today; Erika choreographed solo and cobody at a farm near school.
Each student showed whole self, and choreographed each long performance.
Students shared weakened body technique and resonance method, then they
can collaborate with different choreograph in each day.
Also, in 1972 Tatsumi Hijikata performed "Twenty seven evenings for
season",
it was different 27 performances everyday. I was wonder how was it possible
like that miracle performances for a lonfg time. But also now students
could perform everday different long peices.
When dancers who share weakened body technique and get strong resonance
ability,
a miracle performances happens.
It's amazing infinite creativity.
Why does life have infinite creativity like this?
I guess that the essense of life must include creativity.
Life is the being which continued to create new resonance pattern of Strings
for thiese four billions years.
When we become subbody and open full creativity of life, we can contact
the secret of what is life.
This week is the last week of Spring term. Students integrate all subbodies
which diged out during three months, and create one's own piece. Someone
creates only solo, another one integrates from subbody solo to cobody group
part.
Belen performed last night at the subbody hall. Wisa performed today's
evening in hte forest. He started solo on the huge rock, and duet with
Katherine, Between Katherine's both legs, three babies were born, and connected
to cobody group part. It was almost two hours long piece.
Both solos of Belen and Wisa were integrated almost all subbodies and tried
to show whole self.
And the other students collaborate as a cobody to co-create the world everyday.
It's so intensive week for students, but their creativities doesn't stop,
after this week, there are one week holidays, they plan to go to Baranasi
and will perform together.
When the creativity starts explosion, it does not stop. It's amazing process.
Oh no! Not again!
It was only a moment which I could feel that it was the best day to die.
Today I met a Monday's Devil.
When I entered the practice room in the afternoon, I was surprized because
students were talking.
In this school, talking is inhibited strictly, because it disturb subbody
mode. They kept silence for almost three months, but still now some of
them seemed that they cannot understand how important to stop language
brain.
Maybe some students spent prety busy daily time during the weekend, then
their bodies returened to daily bodies.
My subbody mode which was conditioned during all night was immideately
disturbed and broken in an instant.
The destructive power of language is so strong. The subbody mode is so
fragile.
Maybe trillions times weaker than the power of language.
Students seemed not to understand it still now.
I could not do anyhting after the moment.
I asked to student to calm down enough by them selves, and left the practice
hall.
I realized that the three months is not enough to become subbody mode.
This is the reason why I had to change the minimum term of school from
three months to
six months.
New and old students!
Please understand this thing that we need so long training to become subbody.
Hooo!
But, what is this strict law that always the worst thing happens after
a little bit good impressions!
We may be walking on the narrow edge between heaven and hell.