September 2011


School Journal
30 September, 2011

 Deepening the Resonance

To deepen creation is to deepen resonance into multi-dimensional and non-dual realm.
The number of dimension of resonance is increasing, the taste of resonance is deepening.
Dancers transparent Riken-eye; to watch one self from inside and outside equally increases the transparency. The Ma of Sekitei (best spacing and best timing in each moment )becomes deep and complex taste.
How to carry each Secret, How to carry the Density freely, How to jump wild without logic. These are what students laerned from Quiet House.

25 September, 2011

 Carrying a Secret

I have to stay in India only one more week by visa issue.
I selected the most important things and try to guide
students to create their own one hour solo during the second semeter.

The first important thing is to carry each own Secret.
Also Hijikata wrote it at the first sentense of "Quiet House".

"A girl who plans an evil deed in the rain"

This is the
deepest Secret which Hijikata hided in the piece.
We research each own Secret in the darkness of body.
Conditioning No.5; "Opening five hidden qualia" is usefull to serach it.
In the Hidden cavities, Hidden fluid, Hidden joints, Hidden muscles and Hidden skins. With moving them in various ways, students serached each own Secret, and tries to carry them in the subbody-cobody Sekitei( Stone garden) theater.
Sekitei means to open the transparent 'Riken' eyes (to see oneself through various aspect from outside and inside always and find the most tasty position to resonate each other and with the world in multi-dimensional aspects) is one of the advanced theme of the second semester 2011.
During the last week, Natasja and Issabelle arrived at school. Now almost of students except of Jullie who will join in October, met together after long Summer vacation, their bodies enjoyed with recovering the subtle life resonance and become alive like as fishes to return the home water.

24 September, 2011

 Density of Nature/ Syv

Syv guided one day workshop for us.
She showed pictures which she took at Ladakh, India during Summer.
They were full of amazing variations of carrying densities by nature. Himalayan mountains were generated by the encounter of the Indian Semi-Continent and the Eurasia Continent by the plate-tectonics.
Indian plate enters under the Eurosian plate only 1 cm a year, and created the Himalayan mountains during the long year. It inspires us about what is the carrying density.
Plate carrys the density of the land, we can carry density of Life.
Syv told us what she was moved and learned by the nature in Ladakh, how the nature is great and how we are tiny and so on as the following;

Nature has always been a great teacher for me, and the mountains of Ladakh definitely count for an endless source of inspiration. Of course it is a trully stunning spot on earth. But it is more than that. I found a lot of connections between their energies and what we are researching and practicing at the Subbody school with Hijikata' s Quiet House.

They carry an amazingly strong density, so strong that it could nearly be physically materialized, and touched by human sense . They display such an array of diverse multilayers and overlaps or rock formations and shapes. Their “movements” through shapes, colors, size and lights are so wild and infinite, an ever-changing final picture with millions of different and unique details. What a creation indeed! If our body as Butoh dancer could achieve the same, what a performance we would give! Those rocks are mad king dancing with mescaline and a girl and a tiger and a samourai, and and...

such a a strong yet fragile world. Powerful and subtle.

Most of all they resonate with everything around, the air, the sky, the Universe movements, the animals, the human beings, you and me, and with everything inside -each one of their pebbles and grass. Their “hidden skin” and nest of body is always open, receptive and adapting. Standing in front of them I immediately sense the Oneness. I am part of it.

They have a lot to teach me for they carry the wisdom and memories of millions years. They are funny, compassionate, angry, quiet, naughty, proud, mad, talkative and surprising. They carry and display a lot of beauty, a lot of peacocks. And secrets.

It is an humbling experience to stand in awe in front of them, and a priviledge to listen and dance with them. I am nothing but a tiny speck of dust compare to their size and long history. I am however a small part to dance in this oneness. What a profound joy!

Ladakh is a perfect place for butoh I think :-) The energies, resonance, mystery, madness and feeling of oneness are all there already. One day maybe, we will meet in Ladakh and dance our blood of dance and our secrets.

17 September, 2011

 Sekitei (Stone garden)- Keeping the eternity in the moment

We created a Sekitei (Stone garden) together at the first subbody-cobody theater in the second semester of Subbody School Himalaya.
One of a theme of second semester is to cultivate "
A transparent Riken eye". Riken means to watch yourself from inside and outside half and half.
To see yourself 50% from outside, and 50% from inside equally.
Especially, in the cobody group movement, to see yourself and the group from outside( from mountain, from sky, from the audience, from the world and so on) and always chose the best position for all viewpoints.
We need to train ourselves to get the Riken eye until it becomes a second nature.
In these two weeks we review half part of "Quiet House" by bodily reading .
Especially, students integrated own subbody solo from the most important elements of Shisha (QH2), Vaporized body (QH4), Can factory (QH 6), Reduction by X (QH 7), Chimera (QH 10, 11), Dancing place (QH 16), and Small box of joints (QH 19);

"Small box of joints - Hans bellemer - Samurai Commander - Pricess - Tiger"

Hijikata wrote the score with omission, when we practice this chapter, we should reorder the sequence as the following;

" Bellmer - Bottom 1 - Samurai - Bottom2 - Princess - Bottom3 - Tiger - Bottom4 - Bellmer "

Then you can create various processes to enter a Bottom body ( or to be put into a boxed body) and to come out from a Bottom body.

When several students danced the sequences at the same time together, an unexpected beautiful "Ma-balance" appered. Ma-balance means a proper distance between an action and the other action or a being and other being.
In this case the best balance between stilness and movement appeared.

Through this an idea to learn the Sekitei (Stone garden) has come out.
"Sekitei" is a practice method which I found over ten years ago, and continued to warm it until now.
Now students got several patterns of each Bottom body, and learned the Ten bodies including Bellmer, Samurai, princess and Tiger, then we can practice the "Sekitei".
We re-constructed a miniture stone garden into the best proportion as the Sekitei of Ryoan-ji, Kyoto, Japan in the back yard of the school.
I loved the Sekitei of Ryoan-ji a lot from childhood. I visited the garden in 10's, 20's, 30's, 40's, and 50's so often and spend time in the garden.
I could get novel awareness in each time I have visited about relationship, world-self channel, spacing of Jo-Ha-Kyu, Music composition of Jo-Ha-Kyu and so on. Especially the huge empty space in the middle is the most tasty favourite for me.
Students tried to create the "Sekitei" through the resonance of cobody improvisation.
Dance is the momentary art, but we need to create the deep taste which is worth to taste for ten thousand years in each moment.
We have to hide the eternal beauty in each moment.

9 September, 2011

 Dreambody resonance from Isabelle

Isabelle send a dream which she dreamt recently.
The dream resonates with the main theme of the second semester of subbody school as a synchronisity which Jung reserched in. Our darkness of bodies are resonating beyond the border of individual and group. In the deeper realm of it there is no border between subbody and cobody.
I gave a homework to all students for the summer vacation. It is to select a favourite chapter of Quiet House, and invent a way of practice for deepning it.
Through sharing all student's findings, we can deepen the score from "A reminder for Hijikata's solo" to "Universal treasure for opening infinite creativity, originality, and resonativity". Hijikata's original score contains the potential. I want for all students to contact the infinite treasure directly.

And at the same time, students proceed to be a midwife for oneself subbody and cobody, and for other student's subbody and cobody, too in the second semester of the school.
In Isabelle's dream, her dreambody entered to that world where the fetuses of subbody and cobody are struggling with meeting various dificulties. Always something disturves the birth of subbody, we need to solve the problem as a midwife for oneself, and for others, too. Isabelle's subbdoy and cobody have already started the preparation to become a midwife for the next process in the second semester. I believe that also in other student's darkness of body, similar process is proceeding. Life is resonating deeply without words.

Dear Lee


I have been wanting to write you. About my deep travels in summer subbody.

And to ask again about the summer homework. I asked some students but we  all seem to understand it differently. Maybe that is the point... But I did some work on it. But it needs more... is not easy, to transform my abyss into a score. But the work is interesting. 

It is the task about the Quiet House I didn't really understand, to specify on one chapter or sentence and, what? Make into exercise?


Yes, exactly. But, Quiet House is not a normal text which we can understand by head. If we use our language brain which is bound by dualism, we cannot resonate with it forever. Because our "I" desturbs the resonance. Now you started to struggle with your nightmare. Through these hard works we can resonate with Hijikata's struggle. Hijikata has continued to struggle with his nightmare for whole life. Also I struggled with my proto dreams. We can resonate deeply through these necessary struggle for living. Please keep deepning this work. On the way, deep awareness will come up, "Oh Hijikata and me met the same mysteries of Life and Death!" (Lee)



Ok, one thing I will tell you. On Monday night (I was supposed to fly Monday morning) I was reading a lot on the homepage (while listening to zen meditation music), about shisha, about midwife technique, feedback from students, Quiet House deepening, old journals and so on. It was very late and I could have stayed up reading, it felt good to resonate. I also sometimes stood up and did conditioning. Anyway I decided to go to bed instead. But I kept resonating. Very vivid dream. We were sitting with some big water in front, me and Jonathan and other unidentified students. You started explaining an exercise, and me and Jonathan went directly into it, still sitting there, and unconsciously also resonating with each other, while still listening to the exercise- Becoming an ancient but still growing tree, our bodies was growing in and out of each other. 

Suddenly I hear you telling us to go into the water and start the exercise there. Then I see that all other students have just listened, and you have a small surprise to see that we started before. We go into the water and start again there. Me and J grow in and out of each other again, moving in the water, the bodies becoming branches, green leaves, human and water in oneness. 

Then suddenly I realize again that the exercise have stopped abruptly, and again our reaction is a bit slower to get out of it. It is because one student which is an old man, maybe 75, is very sick. Everybody freezes but nobody helps him. I awake and hurry to help him. I help him to walk up from the water and support him standing while he needs to throw up. 

(One of the stern quiet observers is one of the organizers from Exit, also a movement teacher, deeply fascinated and envious of Japanese culture and extremely stiff in his own body and very controlling and self-righteous. In the end of Exit he was expressed even some jealousy and same time irritation of me for being so stupid and breaking all the rules, yet being so much in oneness, loving resonance, quietness and Butoh all the time, seemingly effortlessly. In the dream he had decided to go and do a semester at the Subbody School. Others in the audience were more anonymous, but possibly more butoh or meditation or spiritual teachers. Most seats were just empty though.)

I try to send subtle signals at first and they grow in strength until I scream almost angrily for others to help. Up there it is like an audience sitting with distance and very coldly observing us, while students are spread in water. In a way they seem to stare as if observing me. I feel it both like they are not there at all and yet judging me, seeing how I deal with it, if I do it right, or maybe I should do nothing, just like them. Finally some girls (foreign worker stereotype) gets me a bucket for the mans throwing up, which has already come a lot. It is pink liquid. It is very hard work for him to throw this up, a lot has already come, before the young girls have brought the bucket. He finish in the bucket and the I help him to sit next to another old man, his friend, on one of the high audience seats around the space. 

It is not inside nor outside. But more outside, because the water is there, and there is no roof and no visible entrance. 

The old man is very grateful, and him and his friend are smiling together now. The first one seems of Iranian or similar origin, and the other is a bit younger and looks something like Turkish. Then between them I place a little child, mostly like boy but actually genderless. They are happy about that too, and I know the child is safe there, for a while, until I find another, more sustainable solution. 

The child is from earlier in the dream. It was also in water, I helped the child too. It had trouble breathing and I helped it. And it was also having trouble move sometimes and fighting with itself over that, getting very angry and frustrated. I saw and felt the stiffness then in it's body and how it was very unpleasant and difficult. How the body felt like it was really going to get stuck, and lost it's natural flexibility and Life, and how scary that was. It felt unnatural, like humanoid, so much less possibilities than human. I watched it's pain and fighting with itself. It was also a pin from growing bigger, too fast. It was actually a baby that needed to be held, and supported life breathing and heart beating. But it had to stand and move like a 4-5 year old, or like a small adult. 

Then I could not do much, but observe and feel compassion and understanding. In the water it was really a baby and was grateful for being held by me in the deep, when nobody else even saw it.


Wow, it becomes even much clearer today as I am writing it! And tonight I went to a friend of mine for a kind of body-emotion therapy session. So strange for me to ask for help, and I didn't feel I needed it. Or wanted to need it. But almost same as in the dream happened, but just in awake life in my body and subbody. Very intense. Long have I believed there is no difference between realities of dreams and awake, and more and more it is also really reality.


I have understood so much during the summer, integrated so many things from recent and past. 

And how strongly it is really true that what we say, what we think, comes true, sooner than we know. Maybe especially when we are most of the time in subbody mode. I learned how I was really stuck in my abyss, in my fear. And feeling, guessing, maybe it would have made a great difference if I had kept throwing myself into the cleansing pool. So summer was a quite hard experience, but very deep learning. And I kept taking as much time as I could in solitude and quietness, but it wasn't easy. I could have used one month just like that. Sitting quietly, integrating. Instead I went straight, head on,  to see my birth place, my mother, father, sister (which are all spread out). I almost didn't have time to breathe. Or feel.

But it came later...


Now I feel like to tell you everything, but now it's again very late. For now, just this.


Resonating from my Life to yours


Thank you

See you