|Sinking into the darkness of body
|29 November, 2008
When ego comes out
It took for ten years to be able to catch the moment when ego comes out for me.
Now I conroll myself to be subbody mode in whole day, otherwise I cannot enter into student's subbodies and resonante with it from inside.
But sometimes when the morning conditioning is not enough, my ego comes up and possess me, I noticed twice times in this week.
Maybe I felt that my work of this year has finished, then conditioning become loose.
It is one of the proof of loose that my old poet character came out in this week. I have lost concentration for keeping midwife mode.
Then many small fragmental egos come out and possessed me.
When ego comes out, it has paticular signal. Ego is bound by disonance
Because ego was born when the complete resonance with the womb world was
broken, and ego had to make oneself as if it were an war orphan. Ego feels
always conflict, fear, anger, and complaint to the others.
It is the first characteristic of ego that ego forgets one's own problem and ego puts the blame on the other person. Ego feels always angry and dissatisfied with ohters.
When we get angry to the others, the probabillity of misputting the blame for the bad thing on the others is hundred percent.
it is not ninty percent, but exactly hundred pecent.
Because these ego process is completely unconscious, ego doesn't know that
the real problem is on it own side, then it projects all the blame of bad
thing on the others.
Ego pictures the best planning in its own imaginary world, and if the world did not follow the planning, ego becomes dissatisfied, and gets angry, this is the characteristic process of small ego.
Even me, when I am not enough conditioning, immidiately small ego comes up and possess me, and I was fallen in anger mode
The morning enough conditioning is everyhting.
I realized the importance of conditioning deeply again.
When the conditioning is not enough, always small ego comes out and binds us.
We need to continue it every morning untill enough.
I hope all students to continue it every morning, even after they have
finished subbody school.
|27 November, 2008
When I was watching November cloud dance on the top of roof,
suddenly strange words came out.
High speed vagina
This is words by Deleuze/Guattari which I remember in their book; "Mille
These words seemed to activate my words creation like as a catalyst.
I wrote poems in my adorescence, but it stopped at my twenty years old.
High speed vagina
I woke up in the burning womb
Father was standing with cracked berry
Who does touch my penis with warped fingers
Aunt is crying slime slime
The winds who was secret talking suddenly stopped
Sky is twisted and twisted
Break the folded secret, break the folded secret
Beutiful girls are falling down from evening sky
These words came out at the same time with English and Japanese.
But in Japanese it has not enough poetic rhythmn, then maybe my English
brain has stated to make poem suddenly.
In this morning, I gave the last conditioning to students for releasing
from all kind of blocks.
It might effect to my brain, and melt down the blocks which has stayed
for fourty years in my language brain.
Indeed, I could not write poem at all for these fourty years.
Unexpected resonance has happened.
|9 november, 2008
There are nothing to be ashamed
Whatever happens in our darkness of body, there are nothing to be ashamed.
All of what are moving in the darkness of body are phenomena of life.
When we watch them by daily eyes, it looks ugry, ashamed, miserable, but when we open eyes as a life, there are nothing ugry, ashamed, miserable.
There are so strange qualia streams, movings, desires, impulses, imaginations, illusions.
All of them are phenomena of life.
Who can give decisions to the life?
If you ego feels that I can decide everything, it is just illusion of ego inflation.
During subbody dancing by naked body for long years, I got it; "There
are nothing to be hidden and to be ashamed in the darkness of body.".
There are nothing to hide, on the contrary we can resonate deeply with
all of them among people.
Stop judgement by daily mind, and open all of subbodies for sharing.
Subbody butoh is niether ego expression nor self expression.
It is creative expression of life.
They are not ugry.
Life can carve and create the new beauty through our subbodies.
The value of judgement of this world should be turned over.
The old paradigm of modern human age which deny life have to turn over
to the new life paradigm which affirm and accept life.
The age of human is going to end, the age of life is going to open.
|5 November, 2008
Don't you have the ears of Old World
The presidential election of USA has finished.
The most important thing was hidden by election system.
Nobody made reference to it, then I have to tell the hidden truth.
Election is the system to hide the most important thing.
What point is hidden?
It is what the United states and the parliamentary democracy have to die, and they are going
to die right now.
Election was performed to hide this point by the mainstream people who want to maintain the
nation-state to promote the war and world controll system.
They have so large power to controll all information flood to hide that point.
The democracy had the origin which was born to hide the most impotant neck point.
When the democracy was born in Greece, nobody talk about the slavery system which supported
Greece state, and they showed only apparent argument in Congress.
This is the hidden essence of parliamentary democracy.
The democracy works to hide the secret point which denys the nation-state.
Nothing will change if which party between the Democratic Party or the Republican Praty.
Anyway the policy to continue the war in Middle East maintains by both party.
The fake system of democracy have to die at the same time of the death of nation-state, and
it will change to the new system based on Resocracy which is decided by the resonance among
the life of the whole world in silence.
The most important changes in the world history were brought by the Resocracy, like as the
end of slavery, the end of feudal society, the end of collonialism.
Also the end of Berlin wall was accured by the Resocracy.
We need to be released from the information flood and listen in the subtle voice of world
Can you listen to the subtle voice of Resocracy of life which wispers to end the nation-
state and war.
If you cannot listen it, be carefull!
Please touch your both side of head.
Don't you find the ears of the Old World which could not beleive that the end of
collonialism until the last moment of the end of it are developed on your
|1 November, 2008
Resonance of qualia and creativity of subconsciousness
|Ripples which reflected from pool to ceiling of veranda
|The resonance among qualia which are reserved in the glia cells ofthe brain
When I was meditating at the veranda with recieving warm Autumn sunshine on my back,
I noticed a beautiful reflected shade of pool water ripples at the ceiling
I felt that it is similar with something, and finaly I found it is so similar with the video of calcium wave in the brain.
Please see both of images.
I enjoyed it for many hours, and during then I noticed that the condition of swaying is the best condition for creativity.
Because when I made strong wave in the pool water, the reflection shade disturved by busy wave, and the slow sway was disappeared.
It seemed the condition when the language brain was activated in our brain.
When we watch the shapes of brain wave as a curved line, we could not notice that they are resonating each other, but when we see it at the two dimensional plane, we can find that each qualia are resonating together clearly.
We can find that when we meditate and the brain calm down like as the water ripples, the resonance among qualia which are reserved in each glia cell could resonate together in so diversitive way.
I noticed that the creativity must happen in this conditon which so rich encounters among qualia happened frequently in our brain.
But when the activity of language brain occurs, the rich encounters among qualia are masked and we cannot notice them.
This is the reason why the subconsciousness has such a richer creativity than the consciousness.
|26 October, 2008
Original small hope at sixty years old
I have become sixty years old.
It was just a run in a breath.
The rest of life is something extra like a kind of reward.
Now I can release from any social binds and world missions in life.
Let life do only whatever it wants to do the most.
It is to become transparent body and mind.
It is to see every opaque relationship in the darkness of body and to show it.
So many opaque and transludent impulse and libidos are moving in my darkness
Why do so strange libidos come out and possess me?
I want to see every relationship between consciousness, subconsciousness, and body transparently.
And I want to show it transparently, too.
To become a transparent body, it is the last stage of my butoh life.
I researched it for long years, how can I find the unknown roots of strange
tendencies, and at least I solve it that everyhting happens by the resonance
between inner qualia and outer qualia.
To solve more concrete resonance is the next problem.
Even if we cannot find the roots of unknown libido or impulse in our childhood
or babyhood experiences, when we enter into the fetus experiences as a
subbody, we can meet unknown roots.
But still it is too rough.
When I tryed to sink into my fetus experiences at the birthday of sixty
years old, I could only meet my fetus who was just strrugling arround the
exit of womb.
I need to deepen it into more precise level.
I will try new reseach for creation in the teaching of November class.
Read more "Sinking into the darkness"
|22 October, 2008
Not denying, but resonating
When I try to create a new subbody butoh peice, so many subbodies are activated and coming out everyday.
Indeed I didn't make any peice for these eight years, many subbodies seems to long to come out.
Actually, it is not me, but subbody to create a butoh.
I don't think of what piece should I create now, but I just follow subbodies.
Now they seems to try to find optimum resonance each other.
This is the biggest point which changed from ten years before.
At the first period, they did not know each other, though all of them live together in my darkness of body.
Now each subbody knows each other prety well in this ten years.
In the night and day of this two weeks, so many subbodies started inner rehearsal.
I could enjoy them every night and day that they are slowly finding optimum resonance among them.
This is the first time for me that a process of resocracy among subbodies is going on in my darkness of body.
|21 October, 2008
Release from strength
The biggest point what I learned in Himalaya is that we don't need to be pretend to be strong.
It's no necessary to show that we are strong.
We are so deeply bound by the strength which our society and education
continue to force us to be strong. It becomes unconscious pressure in the
darkness of body.
We need to release ourself from the pressure to pretend to be strong.
Our ego is bound by this pressure. But not only ego, but also subbody is
bound by this pressure.
When I created "Infectious Fever" ten years ago, twenty years old subbody possessed my body, and created the peice.
Then it was full of strenth, pretending to be brave, I was bound by the tendency which try to show stronger movement.
After the performance, I found that my body was full of adrenaline mode.
It was so bad for life, because the immune system was shout down in adrenaline mode at all,
then my body had stopped to perform it eight years before.
But in this month, when I tryed to create a butoh peice after eight years rest, I had to face the tendency to be strong is still alive.
My subbodies was born in early age of my life, and they were folded in the darkness of body with keeping small ego as the same as they were born.
I have to face the big struggle between the weakened body which I had trained myself for these ten years, and the young subbodyies with full of tendency for strenth and small ego.
I have to recognized that not only daily body is bound by ego, but also hidden subbodies are bound by each own small ego.
To be released from ego is not easy process, it is the deep labyrinth in multi-dimensions.
We don't need to deny ego and any subbodies.
Ego and small egos have the tendenct to deny each other, but we need to
accept everything for finding the best resonance in the whole self, in
the whole world.
The most important thing for life is to accept all elements in our life
without any denial.
And how can we found the optimum resonance among everything in the darkness
This is the final problem for me in the face of sixty eyars old birthday.
|15 October, 2008
A difference between resocracy and democracy
People believe that democracy is the best system for us for long time.
But it is just illusion.
Democracy is bound by noisy discussion.
Resocracy can solve everyhting through resonance in silence like as our sixty trrilions cells are doing everyday.
We did not know the problem of ego and how to diw down it.
Democracy needs discussion by word. Talking by language activates our ego system.
When we calm down our ego, we notice that we can arrange everything without talking by word, but through resonance in silence.
Resocracy is the system which arrange everhting by resonance in silence.
It has a possibility to become a novel system for human future.
Though still we need much more experiment to reserch it.
We have just started it.
|13 october, 2008
Taking the slack
When I have read again the book of "Tao Shiatsu" by Master Endo Ryokyu, a question visited me, it is about a special term "Taking the slack" which Mr.Endo has used frequently.
"What is taking slack?"
"Why do we need to take the slack?"
"What kind of condition which has not any slack?"
By chance, at the morning, I practices "Back breathing" which we send air to the back in breathing.
It gave me a fresh and confortable sensation.
When we send air to the back and spread the back, the slacks in the back disappear.
I felt that there may be a connection between the both fenomena.
When the slacks disapear, the whole connection among each part of body appears vividly.
We can feel that the resonance patterns among all cells of body are always changing in each moment.
Our daily bodies lose the sensation, then the slack appears.
Each part of body has lost resonance and is separated unconsciously.
This becomes the slack.
The condition of body which has not slack means the body which is noticed the whole resonance among whole cells of the body transparently.
The body of wild animal has not any slack.
The whole body is oneness which resonating vividly in each moment.
It is resonating between the outer qualia which the body receives in each step now here, and the inner qualia which were reserved in our life as a life memory.
Then the life can find the most suitable solution in each moment.
The body condition which does not have slack means a whole body which becomes oneness and recovers the resonance among whole cells transparently.
I could realize that shiatsu is to recover the oneness resonance through the somatic expeirence of being taken slack for one hour or more.
There are so many things to learn from shiatsu in the travel of the darkness of body.
8 October, 2008
Dead cannot die
Today is the memorial day of my dead friend Hiroaki Yamazaki. He was killed
42 years ago at the against vietnum war demonstration by japanese police.
In vietnum war, so many people were killed or kill themselves by fire,
their memories could not disappear from my brain..
Dead cannot die. In my subbody they continue to wisper something to me.
I can just listen to their subtle voice and follow them who try to create
subbody butoh dance.
||30 May, 2008
It's the best day to die.
Kastaneda often wrote Don Juan's extreme word.
"Today is the best day to die." is one of them.
I wondered for a long time, "What kind of day is it?"
But recently, when the weekend subbody cobody theater finish, I swim for a while and sleep on the hammock on the top roof, I feel "Oh, now I can die."
I can feel so deep pleasure and complete happiness.
Student's subbody butoh becomes deeper and deeper in each week.
To see the process is so tasty dinner for me.
I feel that I don't need any another thing.
"I can die at any time.", I could feel so.
Don Juan! Now I can share your feeling.
|21 May, 2008
Secret of creativity of hidden skin
|Hydra doesn't have eyes, the skin takes role of eyes for them .
We have another skin except of normal physical skin of daily body.
I call it "Hidden skin".
Normal skin is our individual body's skin.
Hidden skin is skin of life which has four billions years old.
In this hidden skin so many experiences of life are folded.
If we can unfold it properly, it will show infinite creativity.
What is hidden skin?
It is life memories which was folded in cells when we were a lower creature
like ameba and jellyfish.
At that age we felt every qualia through skin, we didn't have eyes.
Through recepters of cell we catched and tasted every material and energy.
After then our eyes, nerves and brain specialized from skin cell.
Today at the subbdy class we tryed to open visual channel.
Through various practices we learned various ways of how to use eyes.
We practiced glass ball eyes, transparent eyes, transludent eyes, halh
eyes, white eyes, sick eyes,
collapsed eyes, humanoid eyes, dead eyes, point eyes, kabuki eyes, floating
eyes, animal eyes, and so on.
After that, I tryed to open "creator's eyes" just as an experiment.
It is from my experience of creating butoh.
The main channel of my subbody was touch channel.
My hidden skin created almost of my butoh peices.
I noticed that when the touch channel and eye channel became oneness, it
generated so strong creativity.
I thought of that it was only my special case for long time, then I could
not inform this to others.
But today I guided students to try to create with using both of touch channel
and eye channel at the same
Concretely, we created something with imaginary touching in the space,
and watched by eyes something which
was created by hands in the space.
Then I found that every student enjoyed to create one's own imaginary something
in the space like a
Everybody could show what one has so many rich hidden qualia in one's hidden
And I saw the touch channel and eye channel resonated so strongly.
I surprised because it seemed infinite fauntain of creativity.
What is happening?
I found a hidden secret.
Every life kept deep life memories at the hidden skin during we did not
At that age, the skin took role of eyes. When we were one celled creature,
we felt everything through skin.
Hidden skin and hidden eyes have the same roots, then they can collborate
together as a more proto sense.
These life memories are the true roots of creativities of hidden skin.
When we could open hidden qualia which were folded in our hidden skin and
hidden eyes, the infinite
creativity will come out spontaneously.
|Weakened body Butoh by the last Hijikata
||13 May, 2008
Today A student; Paul gave morning conditioning class.
I received his class as a student.
He guided us to become origine life.
I tryed to become the weakest life which was just born four billions years
And next he guided us to become a seed before germinated.
"Strugle! Strugle! For birth!" He said.
I followed to strugle for birth as a seed.
Suddenly I remembered a Hijikata's solo piece which was titled "Seed".
He appeared as a bended body shape of seed, and he continued to strugle
And he just continued it until the end.
Audience surprized, and this performance became a legend.
I tryed to follow his performance with asking him, "Why did you perform
I continued it arround for twenty munites with continuing the strugle for
It is so hard experience, and finally I awared what happened in his performance.
I just realize that he tryed to resonate with the ungerminated life.
I noticed that so many seeds have to die without germination. He tryed
to become these
This performance was in his young age, before he origenated butoh.
But I found that there was already the seed of weakened body butoh in this
The weakest body can resonate with even lives which were not successful
Though I knowed about this legendary performance for a long time, I could
realize what was
it at the first time today, it became possible only through body experience.
Above pictures are the weakened body butoh by the last Hijikata (1972-74)
||10 may, 2008
The way of life
Life is always delaying.
Life does not decide anithing, at the edge of moment life does not decide
and just do at the last moment.
I also stop dicision by thinking for a long time.
Always I just listen to the tendency of life, and follow it.
The way of life is following.
Life does not deny anything, life receive everyhting from environment even
very hard edges.
Life moves always, changes place, distance, position, behavior pattern
and so on.
Life waits a timing to invent a novel way for overcoming the hard edge.
This is the way of life.
I learned a lot of things from this.
The important point is to move always.
Life does not stop. Life is always moving, and change position, finding
the best distance against the hard problems.
Then wait the timing to overcome it.
I also escaped from Japan to Himalaya.
Because I need a proper distance from the nation-state and ego-state.
Here slowly I could understand that the ego-state and nation-state are
the same problem for us. I could find and prepare the way to overcome the
ego-state and the nation-state together radically.
||9 May, 2008
Why do you express in grotesque way?
A reader send me a question; " I see people on the photo who express
themselves in a grotesque way. I wonder why their expressions are limited
to a grotesque expression."
I have received these question prety often.
My answer is following.
" In subody butoh, we don't express at all. It is coming out from
our subconscious body, we just receive and follow it..
Because "express" means a coscious self express something.
But subbody is come out from subconscious body, we shift our consciousness
from a role of directer or planner to the role of listener, this is the
essense of subody method.
Everyhting is coming out naturally from our darkness of body. We just follow
them, amplify them to the subbody butoh.
Please understand the subtle difference between "Expression"
and "Coming out".
You may understand it when you know well how to die down daily conscious
Until then the difference is not so clear.
In the western modern society, we are bound by daily consciousness so strongly
that we cannot imagine well the state of subconsciousness.
When we meditate deeply, and success to die down consciousness, we can
understand the state of subconscious mode.
In our subconscious world, and life world, there is no judgement who decide
what is beautifull, what is grotesque. These dualistic judgements belong
in only daily world.
Our life never judges. The life receives everything which are born equally.
Students of subbody school noticed through meditation so many hidden bodies
in their own darkness of body.
When they notice a subtle signal from the darkness, they just follow it,
until it becomes their subbody movement.
It is a little bit different from "expression by conscious self"..
Also students are not limited to a grotesque way. Students travell their
whole self, everything is inclided in their darkness of body. We just try
to release all of them.
I feel the opposite about "grotesque" that the modern dance and
contemporary dance are limited in normal face or intelligent face, but
it is not natural for life. Life includes so many tendencies, emotions,
feelings, sub-characters, desires, archetypes, and so on.
We just to stop to limit ourself in normal way.
Acutually, it is so difficult to explain this by words without your own
I just ask you to come to Himalaya. Let's travel our darkness of body together!
It is the most intersting and creative way to live.
This reader is from Korea, now lives in Amsterdum.
She has a beautifull website.
I enjoyed it a lot.
Thank you, J-ko!
Please visit her site; www.j-ko.net
||6 May, 2008
Only ego has terｒitory
When we travel in the wholw self world, we notice that among the members
of whole self, onlt ego has teritory, the others don't have it.
Only ego wants to make a distinction between me and not-me, though the
others don't care.
The other members; life tendencies, emotions, feelings, desires, creations,
sub-chracters, don't care. They don't have neither ego nor self.
Only ego wants to make edges between me and not-me. Ego doesn't know that
the distinction is illusion.
Though ego is also one of the elements of whole self, but ego does not
As if ego feels itself as only one existense in the whole self, the others
know well it is just illusion.
When we stop daily consciousness, slowly slowly we notice these circomestaces.
What is ego?
What is self?
What is life?
Our travels in the darkness of body continue with getting subtle awareness
in each day.
The scientists who are bound by ego, see everything as following themselves.
For example our human have sixty trillions of cells, and over hundred trillions
We are resonating being among sixty trillions cells and hundred trillions
But scientists who research immune system egonore this fact and emphasize
the distingish fanction between me and not-me. This is only projection
of their illusion. The fact which we resonate with bacteria is more great
thing, but it is hedden by ego projection of scientists.
Ego is the biggest illusion for us.
This illusion hides the real fact that our life is resonating with everything..
We need to notice it.
What is real?
What is illusion?
||4 May, 2008
Subbody's constelation as a rhizome
When we continue to listen in subbody world, slowly multi-dimensional constelation
is coming out slowly.
There are so many elements in the darkness of body.
60 trrilions cells are swaying and resonating with changing conditions.
Actually this is the body for us.
It is a rhizome.
Our life is a resonant rhizome.
Body is always changing and streaming.
Normally body conditions by itself, through immune system, hormone system,
nerve system, and unknown resonance system among all cells.
These are unconscious process, but when we calm down the consciousness
enough, we can catch it translucently.
We can notice the subtle signal of changing of our body conditions.
We can hardly discribe it by words, but surely we can feel the subtle changing
of qualia stream.
Today I will try to discribe it by words, though there are no words usefull
to explain it enough.
In our darkness of body following tendencies are streaming and resonating,
it is so complex and flexible rhizome.
Listen to the subtle changing of the constelation.
Subbody method starts from here.
There are many subtle tendencies in body, according to the changing of
When some cells resonance becomes a group, it appears as a subtle tendency.
Taste the each subtle tendencies swaying in the darkness of body.
Everyhtign is folded in the subtle sway.
2. Autnomical conditionings
Body itself is doing conditioning through immune, hormone, nerve systems
and so on.
These process is silent and normally without any signal.
Only the moment some process does not work well, we can feel the subtle
unpleasant somatic feeling that something is wrong.
These somatic feelings appear as specific emotion subconsciouslly.
Emotion is the intermidiate signal between body and mind.
When we die down the consciusness enough, we can cathch the subtle begginig
of emotional process.
Because it is felt as if a small creature's movement or something in the
quiet body feild.
If body/mind is not calmed down, we cannot catch the subtle sign because
it is masked by noises of consciousness.
When we catch the emotional tendency consciouslly, it turns feeling.
This difinition is following Damacio who is the deepest researcher of emotion
and feeling what happens in our bodies.
Some desires and impulses are coming out from the tendencies of life.
They move our body immediatelly, then we can catch them as a desire or
Subbody is always creating something.
When we could release our subbodies enough from daily body's binds, we
can notice that subbody creates some unknown movements in each moment.
At first they are felt only subtle sway or vibration, but when we follow
it, amplify it, it grows up to subbody dance.
There are so many edges between above tendencies and conscious ego process.
Sometimes it is felt like as disconfortable feeling, and we can not move
all with pain or unconforable body feeling.
Sometimes it is felt just unallowed tendencies by conscious ego. It is
out from ego process, "You are not me!".
8 Stiff block
Some edges are bound by stiff tension and become hard block for a long
When you meet them, at first just recognize them, second slowly become
They are important members in your whole self.
Sometimes it is felt as an ecstacy, "Everythign is OK". We can
It is opposite case of edge, the edge disappeas in the movement.
The edge between me and you, mind and body, inside and outside disappears
This is the most novel and wonderfull condition in subbody cobody process.
But this moment has a hidden denger.
Normally this is egoless conditoin, but sometimes ego enters this process.
When our ego enter into this subbody process, ego feels, "I got it!"
and ego falls into "Ego inflation process" easily.
Be carefull when you feel best and proud, the strongest denger is waiting
10. Ego process
Daily ego is always thinking, maiking stories about itself, and judging
by dualistic judgements.
We can notice the moment when we enter ego mode by following signals.
1. We use language.
2. We feel "I". When we feel, "I don't like it", we
are in the ego mode.
3. We judge by dualistic judgement; good/bad, right/wrong, beautiful/grotesque,
and so on.
These are the normal state for daily body. When we continue to enter subbody
mode, we can notice the moment we enter the ego mode by above signals.
They are so clear.
11 Super ego
Super ego has it's own judgement rule. It is absolute for him/her.
It can only force it's own judgement into everything, no exception.
This is the characteristic of super ego.
In the darkness of body, these many elements are resonating and interacting
like a rhizome.
To see whole process above transparently, it is the transparent body/mind.
Subbody process is the long way to travel and transform to the transparent
Our consciousness and subconsciousness are often bound by various archetypes.
Archetype is preprinted in our genom like as instinct. Instinct effects
our subconscious behavior, archetype effect our subconscious qualia( Image,
feeling), they are the brothers.
For more details about archetype, Please use Google site search.(below),
I wrote about archetype at various articles on this web site.
|Enter a keyword and crick [Google Search],
you can find relative pages to your keyword in this site .
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